Let's Talk About Failure

Dear Younger Me,

I need you to drop what you’re carrying right now.

The weight of that mistake. The shame of that failed attempt. The voice in your head replaying what you should have done differently, over and over again until you can’t bear it any longer.

You think this failure defines you. That it’s proof you’re not good enough, smart enough or ready enough.

I wish I could reach back through time, sit beside you in this moment, and tell you what I know now.

Failure is not your enemy. It’s your teacher.

Right now, you believe some things about failure that simply aren’t true and these lies are keeping you stuck.

Failure means you’re not capable.

No. Failure means you tried something that didn’t work this time, in this way. It means you were brave enough to attempt something with an uncertain outcome.

The people you admire? They’ve failed more than you’ve even tried. The difference is that they kept going.

Other people don’t fail like this.

Oh yes, they do. They absolutely do. They’re just not posting about it on social media. They’re not announcing it.

You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel and it’s making you feel left out when you’re actually completely normal.

Here’s what I’ve learned on the other side of failures that once felt like the end of the world:

Failure teaches you resilience that you can’t learn any other way.

You know that phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? It’s annoying because it’s true.

Every time you fail and choose to get back up, you’re building a kind of strength that doesn’t come cheaply. You’re learning that you can survive disappointment, that you can sit with discomfort, that you can face your fears and keep moving.

That resilience? You’re going to need it.

Not because life is meant to be hard, but because anything worth doing will require you to push through moments when it would be easier to quit.

Failure refines your vision.

Sometimes failure is redirection.

Sometimes, closed doors are not meant to punish you, but to guide you toward something better—something you couldn’t see because you were so focused on the path you thought you were supposed to take.

That opportunity that didn’t work out? Maybe it was protecting you from something that would have drained you.

That relationship that ended? Maybe it was making space for the person who’s actually meant for you.

That dream that fell apart? Maybe it was too small, and God is preparing you for something bigger.

Don’t cling so tightly to what didn’t work that you miss what’s working right in front of you.

Failure builds empathy.

One day, someone is going to sit across from you thinking they’re the only one who’s ever messed up this badly.

You’re going to look at them with compassion that can only come from someone who’s been there. You’re going to say, “I know what that feels like and I promise you, this is not the end.”

Your failure is going to make you the safest person in the room for someone else.

So, give yourself permission to fail, to be disappointed, to cry, to vent, and to process things quietly.

That you failed at something doesn’t make you a failure.

What happened is an event not your identity.

Don’t let the fear of failing again keep you from trying again. Failure doesn’t mean stop trying.

Thomas Edison didn’t invent the lightbulb on the first try. Or the tenth. Or the hundredth. When someone asked him how it felt to fail so many times, he said:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found many ways that won’t work.”

What if your “failure” is just step 47 of something brilliant that hasn’t been completed yet?

From where I’m standing now, I can see what you can’t see yet.

That failure you’re carrying? It didn’t end you. It shaped you. It made you wiser, kinder, and more compassionate toward others.

You’re going to look back one day and realize this moment was one of the most important things that ever happened to you.

So take a deep breath, beautiful girl.

Feel what you need to feel, learn what you need to learn and then get back up because your story isn’t over.

It’s just getting started.

With Love,

The woman you are becoming

P.S. — That thing you’re afraid to try again because you might fail? Try it anyway.